Remember when you were younger and your boyfriend brought you home to meet the family? That’s how you knew it was serious. If you were special enough to bring home, then you knew you were “in.”
Not much has changed, really, just because we’re Old People Dating. Except now, there are four generations to consider: parents, siblings, children and grandchildren. Meet the family, indeed.
Last weekend, I met every woman in my man’s family, all in one day: his mother, his aunt, his sister, his daughter, and his granddaughters. And then a whole host of other people. It started out innocently enough: his granddaughter was having her first holy communion ceremony, with a get together at the house following, would I like to go with him? Of course I said yes. Meet his only child and her children? Lovely.
Cast of thousands
About a week before the event, he tells me, “Oh, my mom is coming with us to the communion.” Okay, that’s good, I think. I’ve wanted to meet his mom. But now I’m starting to get nervous. Meeting the mom is generally a big deal. A couple days after that, he says, “Oh, yeah, my aunt is coming, too. She will ride with us and my mom, so you’re in for a treat.” A little while later, he mentions that his sister and her family will be in attendance. “So I will meet basically every woman in your life all at once,” was my reply. He really did not understand why I was so nervous. He knows them! They’re fun people. I’ll be completely honest: I was terrified.
The minute I agree to go, I begin to obsess about a gift. It has to be small and unpretentious. But it has to be something a little girl would really like. Because if the granddaughter likes me, they all have to. Sound strategy, no? I opt for a sparkly bracelet that comes replete with First Communion sayings in the box. I pick up a card. (Good thing, too, because PopPop didn’t.)
So the big day comes. I am awake at 6:30 am so I can leave my house at 8. I’m never ready that early on a Saturday morning, let alone out of the house by then. New things are happening every day with this guy. I had already chosen my favorite spring suit: a wheatgrass yellow Ann Taylor linen pantsuit, a black square-necked blouse, my new Lyonnaise scarf with yellow, orange and pink details, black loafers. If I am to meet the family, I am gonna look good. Hair and makeup and throwing a change of clothes into a backpack for the weekend took longer than I bargained for, so I left at 8:15. Off I went – hoping against hope that this man’s family was as wonderful as he is.
I meet the elders and the church doesn’t collapse
When we arrive at his mother’s house, she greets me like she’s known me my whole life. His aunt embraces me and they both are wowed by the suit. I can breathe a sigh of relief. We begin to commiserate almost immediately. These two ladies are peas in a pod and full of laughter. We had a blast telling stories and picking on the chauffer. And then came church. The last time I stepped into a Catholic church was for my first nephew’s baptism. I think. And back then, I was a married, relatively new mother myself. This time, I am a sinner extraordinaire. My man and I slip into a pew generally unnoticed and unscathed. Remarkably, I remembered all the call and response cues and even a hymn or two. The building doesn’t collapse and we aren’t struck by lightning. Phew!
A nice lady
We get through the entire ceremony, and I have to pee. Of course, I crack a joke to his aunt and the two of us double over laughing. I really have to find the bathroom because I may wet myself. Then his sister and her family materialize, and the questions begin. I convince the interrogator to accompany me to the ladies’ room, so I don’t pee my pants during questioning. She tells me (I am quoting verbatim), “I prayed my brother would find a nice lady, and here you are!” I gave her the side-eye. “I’m not so sure about that nice lady part, but yes, we found each other, and I think it is going well.” His sister is now going to take the credit for beseeching the Lord to bring us together. Ah, hell, let her. Some cosmic force was at work, let her have the glory.
The fun parts
Then we go back to his daughter’s for food and beverages and the bestowing of gifts. Of course, the ladies and I are the second group to arrive. The moment of truth has arrived. The little girl will receive money (PopPop and family will definitely fatten her savings account), someone will give her a rosary, someone will give her a bible, a statue of the Blessed Virgin, a cross. You know how it goes. I give her my gift first because I am insecure like that. We put it on her little wrist and she is beaming. I think she thanked me four times and was showing it off, too. Score! Big win for PopPop’s girlfriend! My approval now secured with the most important people in the family, I can relax and chat with the other guests.
The UFO story
However, the best part of meet the family day was the long, scenic ride home. That was when I was regaled with the incredible story of the UFO sighting. No shit, I kid you not. My man’s mother and her two sisters, many moons ago, were driving home from Bingo at their church. There are no other cars on the road, and his aunt, who is driving, sees an oddly shaped craft in the sky above them. It seemed to have pulsing lights around its perimeter, and was hovering overhead. His aunt stops the car and gets out for a closer look. (I am now yelling “Why?! Weren’t you afraid you’d be beamed aboard?!”) Abduction, anyone? His mom gets out of the car, now, too. Their older sister stays in the vehicle, probably praying.
I am watching their faces as they are telling the story. I can see from their expressions that they are reliving the moment in their minds. No way they are making this up. The wonder and awe of the experience is palpable.
“I know what I saw,” his aunt tells me. “We saw it. We all did,” chimed in his mother. I believe them. Their older sister declares that what they saw must have been God. “If God were going to appear to us,” reasoned the aunt, “It wasn’t going to be in a vehicle. That was a vehicle, not God.” We all laugh. For sure.
After about a minute of watching the weird object in the sky, it wobbles a bit and then vanishes. The girls get back in the car and go home. They call the Franklin Institute to report the sighting and discover they are not the only ones who had seen the UFO that day. You can’t make this shit up.
It was all okay
I now have to admit that he was right, and I was nervous for nothing – I survived meet the family day. I have two (possibly three) new best friends now. His aunt, who is recovering from a stroke, tells me she wants to throw a party so I can get dressed up again and we can dance and I can cook her something good. The news has gotten out that I have a chef’s kitchen and all the implements necessary for such things. I still haven’t cooked anything for this guy so he only can go by hearsay. And I apparently made a good impression with my fashion choices.
I’m still gloating over the bracelet triumph.
