Day #791 – I Believe in Karma

I believe in karma, and that you are able to fill your karma account, as well as deplete it. I believe that in order to receive, you must first give and then, be willing to receive. And that in life, you get what you expect. And you must be willing to tell yourself truths about yourself.

Truth is, though I believe all these concepts with every fiber of my being, I didn’t practice them. Not really.

Because, deep down, I didn’t believe that what I had to offer had value. That I did not have the right to expect more from my life than what I was experiencing. If I told myself the truth, the truth was that I wasn’t willing to receive because I did not believe that gifts were meant for the likes of me. My role and place in this world was to be of service to others, to do for others. Not for myself.

I could never understand why, when I so fervently believed that karma exists and what you expect is what you receive, that I was receiving sub-par experiences. That I was in a constant state of dissatisfaction, or resentment, or sadly, emptiness. I hadn’t clued myself in on the terrible truth: I was getting what I expected. Or, to be more accurate, I didn’t believe that I deserved better, so I could not truly expect better. So, unfortunate things kept happening. I would make progress in one area, only to fail spectacularly in another. This is how my life had progressed, for decades, it seemed.

Until now.

When I stood back from the continual misfortune that seemed to plague me, I had an epiphany: it was precisely because I did not value myself that I was on the receiving end of some shit. Whether it was a demotion (THAT was a big karma wake-up call), a large payment unaccounted for (read: federal taxes – give me heart failure, why don’t ya?), a delay in finalizing crucial details in legal matters, what was ultimately at play was my internal belief system. I had to do a serious self-audit and tell myself things I did NOT want to hear. Namely, that in order for my experience to change, my expectations had to change. In order for me to receive opportunity, I had to be open to receive, and be willing to give of myself first. Maybe it is coincidence, but once I handed the control reigns over to the proverbial Universe, delays evaporated, issues were resolved, and work became enjoyable again.

I’ve also begun making a concerted effort to pre-load the karma bank account – after all, I believe in karma, so I’d better start walking the walk. Call it future-proofing, if you want. I had been watching webinars on how to create additional sources of revenue, like micro-gigs and affiliate marketing. My goal was to have more liquid income so I could be a resource to my kids, as well as insulate myself from large, unexpected expenses that are bound to occur. I literally watched these things where when the course is over, you too can become an online entrepreneur by joining their special group/course/guided lessons for just $2500! A mere fraction of what you can earn! Made my eyes tired and my head hurt. There had to be a better way. And using the skills I already had. To help others. Give first, remember?

Filling the karma bank.

I began by recognizing skills I had that could be used to help others. I didn’t get there all on my own. Friends pushed me there. Or rather, one pushed and the other pulled. I relented. What harm could it do to advise on creating a brand and setting up social media profiles for a start up that hasn’t actually started yet? Then I began thinking about other people I could help. The neighborhood small business that needs more foot traffic, for instance. What if I helped by cleaning up that website and populating the shop’s social media feeds? Just a couple of hours a week. So, I am doing that, too. (I believe in karma, truly, I do.)

I’ll be honest. It feels good to be giving of myself, but doing so within my capacity and not at someone else’s expectation. It is just a few hours a week for both of these lovely friends, after hours. I’m filling the karma bank.

And then there is the passion project.

I nearly thought I had bit off more than I could chew with this one. Remember those webinar/courses I was taking? I was looking so far afield for what I could do to create another revenue stream that I felt defeated before I had even begun. After the last one that promised to help me build an affiliate marketing empire if I spent every waking hour doing what the expensive, exclusive, members-only course told me to, I took some ibuprofen and went to bed.

Sleep truly is the best way to clear your mind. I woke the next morning with a realization: I am already a blogger. I am already writing. What if I double-down on that, take it seriously, write with more intention? I was writing nearly daily during the height of the pandemic and then got sloppy in the convening months. What if I could make the blog better? More consistent? More me? What if I moved it from its current place and onto its own website?

I found yet another course (I know, I know, say what you will) called Blogger Bootcamp. Now, I am not certain that I expect to earn a living from this blog – far from it – because I am not writing about travel, fashion or beauty, which seem to be the categories that attract affiliate revenue and brands looking for influencers. However! I wanted to learn how to do a blog properly. In the event that someday, there are more than five people following it and reading what I have to say.

I’m still taking the course. I’m about two-thirds the way through it. And I am already amazed at what I have learned:

• How to build a Word Press website
• The tools to use for all the back-end things (SEO, analytics, protection against bots, you name it)
• Redirecting people from the old blog to the new
• Successfully importing all the old posts onto the new website
• While time-consuming, and detailed, this isn’t as hard as I thought it would be
• (something I should ALREADY have known) I can learn new things!
• And, just like learning how to be healthier physically, I’ve learned how to help myself be healthier mentally

This project, along with the karma building projects, has helped me to recognize my worth and value, and see my writing as a gift. If not for others, certainly for myself. You know the old adage, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t help others to believe in themselves. We have to begin with ourselves. I’m working on it.