My Weight-loss Journey

Or, How – and Why – I lost 40 pounds

This is me, from September 2018. You can’t tell where my chin ends and neck begins. The full-body image is even more alarming, so I have spared you (and me, TBH) – my stomach is visibly strained against the large, blousy tank top. The last time I was this heavy was when I was pregnant with twins. My twins, at the time this photo was taken, were 16.

To say that I was miserable is an understatement. I felt terrible in every way – physically, mentally and emotionally – and had given up on trying to look better. I remained active, though: worked out with a trainer twice a week, walked at least 2 miles every day, biked in good weather and told myself that it was enough. But I also ate whatever I felt like, no matter the nutritional value. I enjoyed wine (a LOT of wine) and sweets, especially butter cream icing. I would come home from work, and while making dinner, eat an entire sleeve of crackers.

That year, I was in a job that required me to drive two hours and 80 miles a day, working for a boss that questioned everything I did, moved the goalposts nearly daily, and generally made me feel like an idiot. After a previous employer spent a year plus harassing me nearly every day, this job seemed better. It was, but marginally. The commute made every bad day worse.

So, I would eat the candy on the meeting tables at work and the crackers before dinner. And second helpings of pasta or fries. Topped off with a dish of ice cream for dessert. Because, let’s face it, after menopause, thirty-some years of marriage, complete exhaustion from the children’s shenanigans, it just didn’t seem worth it to care about how I looked. No one else seemed to care about what I was dealing with on a daily basis – and I was barely keeping my head above water. I felt my age – when I looked in the mirror, I saw an old, tired woman – and when I woke up in the morning, my legs hurt, my knees hurt, and my feet hurt until I had gotten completely warmed up.

So what pushed me over the edge?

I think it was the photo taken at Thanksgiving later that year with the entire family that shocked me into action. I realized that there were only three pairs of pants in my entire closet that I fit into, and I couldn’t button them. The largest, blousy tops were tight. I was tired and achy. I felt like shit. The why I lost 40 pounds.

My decision was made, then, that once the holidays were over, I would stop eating my feelings. I might feel miserable but I didn’t have to look it. A friend of mine had slimmed down tremendously in half a year – she had been posting photos of her journey, and frankly, her results were remarkable. She went from 174 lbs. to 134 lbs. in seven months, rocking a bikini on a trip to Hawaii. I contacted her, got her secrets, and on January 7, 2019, I completely changed my eating habits.

And the first step to how I lost 40 pounds: Eliminate sugar. Cut out processed carbohydrates. Add healthy fats.

I had jumped into eating a keto diet with both feet. I went from stuffing myself with sugar and carb-loaded crap to none of it.

How did that work out?

My body went into shock. The first month was brutal – I was drinking warm, salted water to calm my cravings. Those crackers called to me every single evening. I will not lie to you – it was a huge commitment. I religiously followed the script provided by the friend who had such great success herself.

The first month, I lost 10 pounds and could fit into a third of the clothes in my closet. Size 12 pants fit around my waist and were baggy in the butt. Size 10 pants ALMOST buttoned. By the second month, I was in the swing of things and was down a total of 16 pounds. Now the size 10s fit. Once I passed the 20 pounds lost threshold, things started slowing down. The next 10 took two months, and the final 10, another two months. By the time I found myself on a beach in July, I had lost 40 pounds and was wearing my 17 year-old daughter’s size 4 and 6 clothes.

The results were in.

I began having better sleep than I had ever had. My body didn’t ache unless I had worked out particularly hard the day before. My skin somehow was more youthful. I was thoroughly enjoying shopping in my daughter’s room for *new* clothes, even if she was mortified by me walking around dressed from head to toe in the clothes that were given to her. Full disclosure, that summer I even wore one of her bikinis on the beach. (!!!)

I was loving my physical transformation. It didn’t solve all of my problems, but it proved one thing: I have control over myself. In my life where almost nothing made sense – job, marriage, finances – I was able to take full control over my diet and my physical manifestation. It gave me a sense of power, a sense of invincibility. I decided to make other changes, too. I worked with my dentist to straighten my terribly crooked teeth. I talked not one, but two (on two continents!), hairdressers into taking drastic measures with my hair length. By the time the summer of 2019 was over, I looked like a completely different person. When I got back to that sucky job, I felt like a total badass.

Staying healthy is key. But the only way to lose weight is caloric deficit.

The only way to lose weight is to eat fewer calories – it is a known fact. The problem with most “diets” is they focus on calorie restriction and deprivation, and people simply starve themselves. During my most strict months eating keto, I didn’t ever feel deprived. It was only that first month when I was experiencing sugar and carb withdrawal did I feel like I needed to seriously concentrate on behavioral change. After that, old habits were replaced with new, better habits. And cheese. The best thing about eating keto is cheese! Getting enough protein, incorporating collagen into the diet, and reintroducing lower-carb fruit and vegetables have kept me within 8 pounds of my lowest weight – even with working from home and pandemic proximity to the kitchen.

In the winter of 2019 (or maybe it was at the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, I don’t remember), I went through all of my clothes and got rid of everything that wasn’t a size 8 or less. Even some of the size 8 clothing went the way of the lost pounds.

It’s been over three years, and I am in maintenance mode. I’ll occasionally indulge in something that is typically not on my grocery list. For me, the physical transformation allowed me to experience a complete transformation – my health is better, I am more confident and my outlook on life is generally more positive. If I could do this, I am capable of just about anything. I am eternally grateful to my friend who shared her advice, guidance and experience. I am never going back.

Want to see what I look like now? About Me

And, a great resource for all things keto: https://mariamindbodyhealth.com/