Dating while old is a very different adventure than it had been when we were young. First of all, thanks to the pandemic, we aren’t taking mass transit or mingling with others as much, and we sure aren’t going to bars regularly for happy hour so opportunities to meet people organically are slim. Second of all, 30+ years of being married changes the way you look at the opposite sex. I mean, at some point, you simply stop seeing men as potential mates because they just aren’t. Dating while old requires you to shift your perspective completely. It is actually a Herculean effort. And it doesn’t stop there.
The next step of dating while old is deciding which pool to start wading through. It’s a racket – the bigger-named dating sites are just horrible, promising to use their propriety algorithm to scientifically match you with your ideal mate. And charge you a premium for it, too. It is a complete bait and switch.
How it started
At the beginning of March, I had thought I would be starting classes at the local college for conversational French – an ideal way to get out of the house, meet new people (and possibly unattached men.) Sadly, the class was cancelled, so there went that reason to leave the house. On a whim, I decided to jump into the dating pool. I thought that the one site I chose was the more reputable because it was the one with the scientifically proven method of matching. So, I bit the bullet. I answered all the questions as honestly as I could. I uploaded the most recent photos of me that were flattering. I paid the premium subscription fee. And then I let the algorithm do its thing.
Oh. My. God.
There are a lot of men in my age group on these sites. Still, the pickings are slim. There are men who have to be lying about their age. How does this guy, who looks like he’s been through a few wars, actually think I’ll believe he’s not 75, but 56? Seriously? And then there are the ones who are separated but looking for their next true love. Really, dude? You’re not out of the frying pan yet and you’re jumping headfirst back into the fire? How is that attractive?
Also, you have to know the hidden meanings of each of the statuses. It’s all code. When you say you are looking for something casual, you are inviting all the wolves and depraved to “like” you and try to engage. And not in conversation. My good friend is on a Spanish-language site and she couldn’t understand why men half her age were trying to connect – when I told her what her “casual, fun” status actually meant, she was horrified! So, even if you don’t know what you want out of your matches, you have to say you want a long-term relationship. That will weed out the most depraved of the depraved. Not all, but most.
How it went
I made a pact with myself to give this site a month and then I would decide whether or not I wanted to continue it. I underestimated how much work is required for vetting the so-called matches. I was completely unprepared for how just un-matched these matches actually were. And the ones that actually were interesting lived in other states, were on travel mode (what is THAT all about) or aren’t looking for women close to their age. One person who started a conversation disappeared when I shared that I hadn’t dated in over 30 years. Guess that freaked him right out.
Then there are the really forward ones who want an answer right away. Are you interested or not? And if you don’t reply immediately, you’re deleted. But mostly, these matches are not matches at all. I do not know what the algorithm thinks it is looking at, but these people cannot be answering the questions honestly. No dates set with this well-known, established dating site.
One friend warned me that this particular site would be full of creeps. Another friend was all about it – she said, “Oh, this will be fun! You’ll match with all these people and get to chat with them!” Sorry, this app has been uninstalled from my phone. I’ve already cancelled that subscription. I didn’t make it to two weeks.
Stay tuned for Old People Dating Part 2, where I switch apps. It’s not all bad news.
