Old People Dating Part 2

Old people dating is awkward. What are the rules? Do the same rules apply that did when we were younger? Or can you cut to the chase because, well, you’re old people?

In Old People Dating Part 1, I told you I cancelled the subscription to the creeper site. Disgusted within a week with that crop of “matches,” I decided to switch over to Bumble, because at least on that app, the woman makes the first move. More my style anyway. After all, I had promised myself to give this online dating thing at least a month.

Things I am learning

So, when you’re an old person dating, you’re probably not going to be able to get references on these people you’re meeting. After all, they don’t know your full name and you don’t know theirs. Privacy and safety first. When we were younger, we usually dated people that we met through other people, who would vouch for their character. Now, you’re basing all your decisions on bits of data and a photo or two.

Tip #1: this is something the kids know, but if you are OPD, you may not. Swipe left for “NOPE” and swipe right for “HELL YES” and “maybe.” You can weed out the “maybe” list later.

Tip #2: only one photo? could be a fake profile. swipe left. photo taken in the bathroom mirror? swipe left. photos with the other person’s face blotted out? do they not know how to crop? is that their wife? swipe left. Interested but not sure if they’re a real person? Ask them to verify.

Tip #3: if they make you laugh, swipe right and then send them a message about it. Worst thing that can happen is they don’t respond. Then you learned something else.

Safety first

When you are meeting someone for the first time (and possibly the first few times), your squad needs to know:

• Where and what time you are meeting
• A screen shot of the date’s profile

You need to text your squad when you get there, text them when you leave, and text them when you get home. Then call your best friend and give her all the details. You know, like when you were in high school.

What’s still unclear

I’m thinking that this method of “meeting” people is exhausting. I have limited bandwidth and even less patience. Sorting through the flotsam and jetsam of all these profiles that just keep coming is a full-time job by itself. In the old days, you met a person, one person, that you were interested in and you followed a single path until it became a relationship or not. I certainly didn’t date multiple people at the same time, even then. (One after another, maybe, but never more than one at a time.)

So, what is appropriate? Can you apply those same parameters to this method? I mean, I’m not 20. I work full time, I have a life, I’m doing things. Like writing these posts.

Then there’s the question of how you behave once you’ve hit it off with someone. Is it appropriate to initiate the conversation in between dates? How much is too much? I’ve never subscribed to the “playing hard to get” school of thought, but I don’t want to be THAT woman who just doesn’t recognize boundaries.

Also, and this is important. At what point is it okay to kiss them? Do the rules associated with physicality that were the unwritten code when we were young apply now? Or not? For real, people, I am a grown-ass woman over 50 with three adult children and I am worried about whether or not my date, who is a grown-ass man over 50, will think I am a slut if I kiss him on the second date.

Ugh.