I’ve learned a thing or two about happiness over the last couple of years.
The feeling of happiness, whatever that mystical “thing” is, had been elusive for most of my life. When you spend the majority of your life anxious and afraid, or anxious, afraid and angry, joy has a hard time getting through. That elusive “happy” feeling becomes something that seems unattainable. What’s difficult – but true enough – is that what you put out to the universe is absolutely what will come back. I once told my now ex-husband, “What you expect in life is what you receive.” I was telling him that because he expected the worst to happen (and it often did); what I didn’t realize is that I was expecting less from life than I should have been. I had resigned myself to receiving less than I actually deserved, let alone wanted. So I was really talking to myself.
I told a good friend recently that the past year has been the happiest I have ever been. Ever. Even when my life was going well, I didn’t enjoy it; I was always expecting a shoe to drop. I always felt like I should be better: a better child, a better student, a better colleague, a better wife, a better mother. I looked at myself and saw only deficiency. The past year has been the most liberating, most joyful, most calm, most secure, and dare I say it, happiest year of my entire 58 years on this planet. For once, I prioritized myself, and by doing so, released all the limiting thoughts of my deficiencies. For once, I modeled the behavior I wished to see. For once, I didn’t look beyond myself for validation. I’ve been through some shit. Some of it self-inflicted. But I am through it.
Happiness is an inside job.
It’s a choice you make. Do you trust yourself enough to make good decisions, and to roll with whatever happens if it doesn’t work the way you expect? Because if you trust yourself, you can love yourself. If you trust yourself, you can see how you’re strong enough to get through the shit. When that happens, happiness follows. It doesn’t mean that everything will be sunshine and rainbows, hell no. It simply means that you have the capacity to handle whatever will come. And that serenity literally breeds happiness. It’s not dependent on anything or anyone outside of you. It’s a choice you make for yourself.
When you are happy, you attract people who are happy, too. Your friends become your better friends. They’ve seen you in all seasons. They know what discontent looks (and feels) like. They also know, better than you do, that you deserve better. And you deserve more. Nothing makes a true friend happier than seeing you realize that you deserve more and better. Then watching you go for it.
Happiness causes reverse aging.
When you are truly happy, it literally shines through your skin. Your smile is brighter. Your eyes twinkle. You glow. It’s weird. People are drawn to people like this. Case in point: I was walking down the street the other day, taking my usual everyday morning walk with my friend’s dog. I walk past the same place and the same people EVERY DAY. An older gentleman emerged from the diner and commented, “Happy dog, happy girl! Good morning!” (Was he flirting with me? I think maybe he was!) I responded, “Good morning to you! We’re just here making the world a better place.” He agreed, and I kept walking. I must’ve been beaming those rays of happy through my face without thinking.
Made me think about all the times I have walked past that very same man and nary a word passed between us. For years. Yep, I am a beaming ray of sunshine these days.
I’ve been told by more than one person in the last two weeks that I appear much, much younger than my actual age. Nothing boosts the happy like that! I had to explain to one of them that women don’t lie about being older (unless they are under 21.) What’s really interesting is that five years ago, I looked my age now – some adult kids’ old mom. I look a those old photos of me and I don’t recognize myself. I’m glad that woman decided to shake things up a bit.
What they say is true.
There is a saying “You cannot be properly loved by another until you love yourself.” Like happiness, love is an inside job. When you love and respect yourself, you attract love and respect. It’s important to add: when you don’t tolerate joy-suckers and energy vampires in your life, you love and respect yourself more. And you attract like-minded people.
Yeah, it’s going to be a good year.
