Old people dating is very much like teenaged dating, just with wrinkles and aching joints and a whole lotta baggage from previous relationships.
There’s anxiety: I know the first date went well, but what if he’s a player and sweet talks all the girls? What if he’s had time to think about it and isn’t as interested as I am? What if I am making too much of the perceived attraction? What if, God forbid, I see him again and it’s not what I thought? What then?
The days between dates
Another way old people dating is like teenaged dating: you spend the week between sightings shamelessly flirting via text (another weird technological development that makes this series of encounters even more surreal) and trying to focus on your full and heretofore happy life, made sparkly by this strange phenomenon. One of my friends referred to this as “the sprinkles on the sundae of life.” While this is apt, I prefer the sparkly imagery. That’s more like it.
Then there’s the second-guessing, which is similar to the anxiety, or may possibly feed it. You start searching the internet for things like “what are the rules of dating in 2023” and “how many dates before kissing.” The advice dispensed by the internet dating aficionados tells you that there is a rule of three: three dates, three weeks, and three months. Apparently, according to the pundits, your date will disappear in three dates or three weeks, whichever comes first, if his intentions are strictly carnal. Three months is allegedly the magic milestone that will tell you if you should delete your dating app permanently. What in fresh hell is this? I now have even more anxiety.
Due diligence
Of course, there are the obligatory searches on the guy’s name and location – I consider this normal due diligence. It would really suck if you were getting excited about your next date only to discover he’s got a warrant out for his arrest or, worse, he’s still married and living with his wife. I assume he is doing the same with me and may have discovered this blog already, before I disclose that I am writing about this experience. Not sure how he’s gonna take that. (If you’re reading this, I promise to never reveal your true identity in these posts. Names will be changed or omitted to protect the not-so-innocent.)
And then, your friends who have successfully wrangled a relationship begun online will give you their recommendations. Play it cool, they say. Never show him you’re as interested as he is. Let him make the first move. Don’t plan too far in advance. Find out why his last relationship failed, you don’t want to repeat any of that. Don’t go back to his place in the early stages. So many rules. Have they forgotten that we’re OLD? Time is fleeting?
Here’s my advice
My advice on old people dating is mostly for myself, but if it resonates with you, feel free to follow.
Tip #1: Be your damn self. Here you are, warts and all, baggage and all, big feelings and all. You can tell a lot about a man by how he responds to your real self, your real truth.
Tip #2: Follow your instincts. If you’re like me and recognize that you tend to operate on how things feel, listen to what your gut tells you. Try not to get completely caught up in the well-meaning advice of the pundits on the interwebs and really let your gut tell you what your next move should be.
Tip #3: Seek balance. This is difficult for someone with impulse control issues but it helps to counter the completely out-of-control inner teenager that is yearning to be free.
Tip #4: Enjoy the moment. New beginnings are indeed magical and sparkly. Live in the moment. Savor it. Allow yourself to just go with it. Stay grounded, but also allow yourself to revel in the sparkly-ness.
Life is an adventure, and dating while old is an interesting wrinkle in the whole mature life experience. It’s probably gross to our kids.
Oh well. I’m about to gross them out. Just wait for the next installment!
