Lately, Old People Dating has gotten some attention, mostly due to a new Bachelor series featuring a really old dude. “The Golden Bachelor” is in his 70s, a widower, and will have his pick of single women in their 60s (or older, but I recall reading about “in their 60s” more than once.) I’ve seen pictures. The guy is well preserved. Dare I say, the guy is hot.
Folks, this is TV. This is NOT reality.
Yes, he is a real person. Yes, there are people in their 70s who are still hot. Some may actually be hotter in their old age than they were when they were young. But most of us old people are merely attractive. We may be hot in the eyes of someone whose judgement is compromised by one thing or another, but realistically speaking, most of us OPDs are good looking, at best.
Some truths
Let me tell you some truths about Old People Dating. For the most part, we are who we are, take it or leave it. Yes, the dating pool is small and filled with people you may never wish to meet in real life, but there’s no reason to modify oneself to find the right next person. The lived experience of OPDs makes us not really give a shit about a lot of stuff. We don’t need someone to procreate with, we’re beyond that. Nor do we need someone to financially support us, we’re doing just fine by ourselves. Certainly we don’t need someone to entertain us, we have friends and kids to do that.
While nobody wants to think about old people and romance – there is this idea that old folks, women especially, cease to be sexual beings after 50 (HA! MYTH!) – there is quite a bit of romance to be found. In fact, when there’s no stressors on a relationship (financial pressure, kid-related things), the romance part can be really exciting. That’s also probably why it is so exciting. You get to focus on each other.
We don’t have to prove anything anymore. There is so much freedom in embarking on a relationship journey with someone when all that’s left to do is enjoy one another’s company.
The most surprising thing about OPD is this: you can be yourself, with a full, independent, and happy life, and still have room to share your life with another person. And that just because you’re close to 60 (or 70, or 80), doesn’t mean you’re shriveled and dried up or that your life can’t accommodate a little sparkle.
My experience
I think my man and I are past the giddy, bodice-ripping stage of our relationship now. We’ve had my catastrophic injury, surgery, and subsequent recovery put a damper on everything for several months. That big, exciting vacation – cancelled. Fun summer outdoor activities – off the table. On the flip side, he’s stepped up to be quite a fabulous caregiver and has now thankfully been discharged from that duty.
That experience really drove home the importance of compatibility, of patience, of genuine interest in the other person, of deep caring. While some may think that these things are a given, and that it is natural for a love interest to take care of the other, I can assure you it is not. For me, it was miraculous and remarkable; to be treated with such thoughtfulness and care. It is the small things that make me swoon. Bringing me coffee and breakfast. Making sure I take my meds and vitamins. Bringing me a sugar free peach soda because he got himself one. Silly, I know.
I journal daily, and I was looking back at what was top of mind this time a year ago. It had been almost a year since my divorce, and I was going out on the town a little. And I was very pleased with how I was looking and being received. It was the first inkling that I might be ready to find someone new. I made a list of all the qualities my next person would have to have in order to snag me. I really believe that the Universe meddled directly in my affairs. There’s no other explanation for what I’ve experienced.
Good luck to the “Golden Bachelor”
I hope the hot old dude finds himself someone half as good as the one I found. It’s not impossible, and I am proof. The woman who said she’d NEVER again be in a relationship should really know better. (I say this to myself regularly.) I suppose I didn’t realize how many people are out there, on a second or third chapter, looking for someone.
There’s a lot of Old People Dating these days – it has become fashionable. It’s on TV now.
