Here’s the thing: choosing to smile, choosing to look on the bright side, choosing to find the silver lining, and choosing to believe that this, too, shall pass will actually make you feel better. And when you feel better, good things happen.
When you have confidence in yourself, others will, too. When you believe in yourself, others will, too. And when that happens, only good things can follow.
See what I did there? The outcomes you seek are entirely dependent on your attitude.
I know people who are “glass half empty” people – and they are perpetually distressed, convinced that the world has conspired against them. Guess what happens? Murphy’s Law: everything that could go wrong, does. One bad thing after another. All a cosmic trick to deprive them of happiness and success. Makes you wonder whether or not trouble finds them by virtue of their energy? Truthfully, whatever you put out, you get back.
Now, imagine, you are a “glass half full” sort of person. When the bumps in the road hit you, you see them as learning experiences. You know they’re only temporary and better things are coming. You focus on what you want, in general terms, and eventually, those good things find you. Don’t believe me? Try it.
I have a personal story to tell to illustrate this point: A few years ago, I suffered a crisis of confidence. I felt like an impostor, even though I had sufficient and exemplary experience. I was certain I would lose my job. In fact, the night before it happened, I had a very vivid dream that actually happened – word for word, exactly as it played out in my subconscious. This confirmed my suspicions about myself. I wasn’t good enough for the role I was playing. I spent six months desperately seeking the next step in my career. I didn’t know what I wanted, and while I knew what I was good at, there was still this little voice in my head negating anything good I was thinking.
I think you know what happened next. I found a job. I accepted a lower salary than I had been making because, well, it took me six months in a good economy to find it. I spent a year and a half mentoring my direct reports, creating a fundraising infrastructure, coaching field staff, putting order to chaos and raising three times more money than had been raised before. All while being bullied, belittled and verbally abused by my boss. I was forced to fire staff because the boss didn’t like them; competent fundraisers on my team were singled out and harassed by him. At this late date in my career, I was living in absolute hell. The good news: I now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was competent and capable, able to develop practices and process that guaranteed success from a business perspective.
I chose to jump into a brand new industry. One I knew very little about but was willing to learn. My skills in developing strategy, process and then implementing them was second-nature and I was sure of my success. I joined a small, tight-knit group that appeared to be the opposite of what I had just lived through. But the little voice in my head was still there. What business did I have walking into this company and telling long-time professionals in that space that they needed to change to be successful? The boss here, though decidedly kinder than the one before, wasn’t interested in what I thought or had to say. His interest was in having someone to execute on his vision, his thoughts. As you can imagine, impostor syndrome reared its ugly head yet again. And work life became a constant struggle. A lot happened in the nearly two years – and despite it all, I was able to once again create order out of chaos, reduce expenses, increase revenue and introduce systems and processes to make that possible. Along the way, though, I finally vanquished that little voice that kept trying to tell me I wasn’t good enough. Along the way, I stepped back and saw myself: a positive force for good, with a sharp strategic mind and an empathetic heart. (Full disclosure, I had help – in the form of friends and colleagues who saw me, recognized what they saw and helped me to see it, too.)
When I made the decision to leap again recently, I knew what I wanted. I was confident in my abilities. I trusted that those two things would serve me well and help me find a new tribe, in a role where I can bring my whole self to work, safely. And throughout the vetting process, I brought the real me along to each interview. And out of 300 possible choices, my tribe saw me and recognized me. And welcomed me home.
Attitude is everything.
Oh, and happy 40th day.