It was also Mother’s Day weekend. One of the best things I’ve ever done is become a mother. And it’s certainly the hardest thing. Oh, how cliche that sounds! I can tell you, my oldest child took years off my life – so much so that I think the younger two have avoided risk altogether for fear that I’ll turn 100 before my 60th birthday. So yeah, it’s not for the faint of heart.
Being a mother is something anyone with a uterus can do; being someone’s Mom, well, that takes some finesse. And to be truthful, I don’t even know if any of us actually think about it. I believe we are motivated by our own childhood and what we never want our children to ever experience. I can tell you that the first four years of the twins’ lives are a blur to me – I barely remember anything that happened in those four years. I know things happened, I know I had to be there, but I remember nothing. The next six to eight years, I am actively blocking out. Well, not really. For instance, in 2006, we bought a new van. I remember that day, and the day not three weeks later when I rear-ended someone on my way to work and had to get a brand-new front end put on my brand-new van. The saving grace was I had already dropped the kids at the sitter. Not long after, we bought a truck. I have absolutely no memory of that transaction. None.
The child who caused such consternation every weekend night during high school (and many days of misery as well) has become a thoughtful young man – or at least more thoughtful than I expected he would be. During quarantine, he has bought groceries, paid for dinner, ordered snacks from Amazon, and just this weekend, actually bought me a Mother’s Day gift. (Shocking to some, mostly to me.) I never really encouraged the kids to buy me gifts; I never thought it was important. But this child, the one who caused me so much grief for so long, actually did something sweet: a tray of chocolate covered strawberries that spelled out “Happy Mothers Day.” Perhaps more surprising, and most gratifying, is that the same boy has actually uttered these words more frequently that I thought was possible – “I cannot wait to go back to work.” As a teen, these words would never have crossed his mind.
My oldest friend had told me when I was at my wit’s end that this child would find his path, he would find his way, and he would be the success that I raised him to be. At the time, I did not believe her. I was convinced that my worst fears would be realized and I would have failed him. But as usual, she was absolutely correct – and the lessons I had spent his entire childhood trying to impress upon him actually made their way into his brain and bore fruit. And the example that I give he and his siblings is (I hope) a lasting, positive one.
So yeah, whether you are a birth mother, bonus mother, foster mother, adopted mother, or any kind of mother and you are responsible for being a role model for another human, you’ve got quite a job.
Hope you had a happy Mother’s Day. I did.