Old People Dating Part 5

There’s a lot that is weird about Old People Dating. Meeting virtually, texting rather than talking, navigating a whole new set of rules, trying to figure out the triggers to avoid. Old People Dating is not for the faint of heart.

There’s the whole mystery around when it’s appropriate to do what; does it count that you’ve lived an entire lifetime already and don’t have time to waste?

By the time you see your date again in person, a whole other lifetime seems to have gone by. It’s bizarre. Time seems to elongate when you’re in a new situation – knowing that you’re waiting a full week to get back together makes the time slow down. It’s similar to the preparation of a fantastic meal – you spend all this time with the preparation and then it’s over in a blink of an eye.

When we were young and dating, we were usually in the same general proximity of the object of our affection – we’d see them at school, we’d see them at work. We’d see them nearly every day and time seemed compressed, or at least the time spent together was similar to time spent apart. You’d get in at least two “dates” a week. Made the flirtation part of the process run a bit smoother and make a little more sense.

The perils

With this Old People Dating process, it’s long-distance technologically assisted flirting. This is fraught with danger. This person likes you, but doesn’t really know you very well. You don’t know them very well. What you think is funny has the potential to come off as flippant or rude. There is a fine line between flirty and suggestive, too. I’ve had to edit more texts than I can to count to ensure that I’m not leading this person down a path I am not sure I am ready to go down. It’s still early days.

Then there’s ambiguity that comes with texting. You can’t hear inflection or emphasis, so you could be reading it wrong. “I’m tired” can have a multitude of meanings, from the obvious to the ominous – is he really tired or just texting me that so I don’t expect more communication today? Am I tiring? Or am I just freaking paranoid? (full disclosure: I’m freaking paranoid.)

How much is too much

Another weird and touchy thing about Old People Dating is tactfully attempting to learn as much as you can, as early as you can, about the last serious relationship they were in. More specifically, why they aren’t in it anymore. This is difficult and tricky. You’re having such a good time with the fun stuff, you really don’t want to spoil the mood with the failings of the past. Unfortunately, this cannot be avoided forever, because if you think things might go the distance, you have to know. These stories will tell you, more than anything else, what is important to this person and the lines that cannot be crossed.

And for God’s sake, do not verbalize the comparisons you are making in your head! Of course, this person is not like your ex! At least, if you did your due diligence, they’re not. They don’t need to hear what’s happening in your brain. Yikes!

And then there’s Date #2

All of the above is happens between dates. And then FINALLY you’re back in their presence. It’s a lot less awkward, you have gotten to know a little more about one another. This meeting, believe it or not, is the one that cements the attraction. You’re seeing each other a little more clearly now and actually spending hours together. If anyone’s going to ghost, it will be now.

The next day, my daughter asked me how it went. I think the part where I told her we were making out in the car may have been TMI.

Whoops!