Being a member of the Old People Dating group is a lesson in dealing with the dichotomy of social norms and realities of being old. On one hand, you don’t want to move too quickly and miss red flags; on the other hand, you don’t want to possibly miss out on the experience of a lifetime because you were too careful.
Full disclosure: I’m pretty sure that in my 20’s, when I embarked on the last relationship I was in, I didn’t pay any mind to anything other than getting what I wanted. Could be why things turned out the way they did.
Which makes navigating this Old People Dating experience so dicey. I don’t want to repeat past patterns. My life is good as it is. But, man, all this positive attention sure is addictive.
The third date
So this is the fabled third – third date, third week. You know, the one where they disappear if they’re really not that into you (or their intentions weren’t on the up and up.) Not only did this one not disappear, he made plans. Took me out for a really (and I mean really) fancy dinner to celebrate my upcoming birthday. Which just happens to be two days before his. Told me hysterically funny stories about his siblings, and at least one that wasn’t funny. Asked me where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, and what country should we visit together first.
At this point, I am thinking, “What the hell? Why not?” He isn’t on any “Most Wanted” list anywhere. He’s not being sued. He hasn’t declared bankruptcy. His ex is long gone (unlike mine, who still thinks he has a shot at redemption.) Another part of me is thinking, “Are you sure? Is it too soon to be making plans? Cart before the horse, anyone?” but I dismiss her. She is the opposite of the 16-year-old persona who is jumping up and down waving her arms to get my attention. Girls, ya both have got to go.
I nod to the voices in my head and make a decision. If this dude wants to see the world with me, hell, even just the next neighborhood, I am going. I have not laughed this much in decades. I have not smiled this much in years. My abs hurt from all the laughing.
What comes next
I made a lot of decisions on that date. Regret none of them. Made plans to meet his favorite cousin in New York City the following weekend – the real birthday weekend. Just before l leave for two weeks in France with friends.
There may be some people who are alarmed by the rapid pace of this relationship. I was, at first. But, people! We are OLD. Tomorrow is not promised! Take your fun, your laughter, your joy when and where you can get it. OPD don’t have a lot of time to waste. We did that already. Besides, I will be away for a full two weeks. Want to talk real test of interest? Does absence truly make the heart grow fonder? Only time will tell.
I didn’t make it to 30 days
Remember I said I was going to try this online dating thing for 30 days? Ha.
I met this guy, went on one date with him, and deactivated my Bumble account. That was a big risk. I figured, if my intuition was off, I could always reactivate. I wasn’t concerned about him living an hour away; if it didn’t work out, then I knew I wouldn’t run into him at Wegman’s.
We connected on the 5th of March, and by the 25th, agreed to be exclusive. Going steady, people! I barely made it a full two weeks in that teeming cesspool called online dating. Thank goodness for standards and good judgement.
The remarkable thing about this experience is that I never, in a million years, expected to meet someone that ticked all the boxes. Seriously – I didn’t expect half of the boxes to be ticked. Those first interactions with the others were underwhelming, tepid and just felt fake. I really had no hope of actually finding someone who met my requirements.
The requirements I have are pretty high: he must be funny, he must be interesting, he must be someone who reads, he must be able to have an intelligent conversation, he must be someone who not only listens to me but actually hears me. He is required to accept me as I am. He has to be independent and secure on his own. An adult that isn’t looking to be taken care of. It’s also a plus if he values travel, education and food.
Imagine my glee when I entered a home filled with mementos of travels from all over the world, plants, artwork and rooms full of books. It was the room that was floor to ceiling on all four walls with books (and there were more in other places!) that sealed the deal for me.
Oh, and he makes killer espresso and an incredible omelet. That helps.
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