The wind outside my window is billowing, gusting, tossing treetops around willy-nilly. The sun is setting, though, soon.
It’s late afternoon on Saturday. I am still in my workout clothes from the morning. It’s hard to get motivated to do anything. Another day gone.
I did go grocery shopping, make a large pot of soup, speak to the MGK to arrange for dinner tomorrow, and take a video tour of my late cousin’s home to claim some of his things.
Jeff’s departure from this earthly plane is nothing short of unbelievable; surreal, even. Spoke to him live three weeks ago. In a span of less than 10 days, he went from sick but treatable to gone. I’m trying to find the best way to honor him, and continue on with life. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s not. But this is how it is, isn’t it? He is free from suffering. That is really the only way to approach this.
I’m not sure if it is grief, or if it is just the culmination of a year’s worth of incremental emotional blows that makes me uninspired and unmotivated. I know I have to do something with my life but I really just want to stay in bed. It’s a miracle that I got out to exercise today. Some days I have the energy to clean and declutter. Other days I struggle to string thoughts together. It makes being productive difficult.
I’m trying to be a strong role model for my children who have struggles of their own. I’m trying to show that no matter what life throws at you, tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to do great things, even if that great thing is getting out of bed.
Spring is coming. New life will emerge from this winter of sadness and endings. Nothing can begin without something else ending. It is the law. I know this, I believe this.
And so it is.
so sorry Sheila. The past two years have been a real crap-show. Hang in there.